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In This Article

• The Illusion of Time: Why your past, present, and future may not be as separate as you think
• The Power of Perspective: How shifting your viewpoint can transform painful memories
• Why We Hold On: Understanding why people cling to negative stories and trauma
• Rewriting Your Past: Practical steps to reshape your narrative and reclaim your power
• Living in the Now: How focusing on love and joy can create a more fulfilling life

Can You Really Change Your Past?

by Marie T. Russell, InnerSelf.com

Einstein's theory of relativity suggests that time is not a fixed, linear progression from past to future but rather a flexible dimension that can change. Some interpretations, both scientific and philosophical, propose that all moments in time—past, present, and future—coexist rather than flowing forward as we perceive them. In this view, there is no true past or future—everything exists simultaneously.

For most of us, accepting this idea is a bit of a stretch. How can the past, present, and future all be happening at once? It’s one of the great enigmas of existence. We assume our past is behind us, but some tribal cultures see their past as in front of them, not behind, offering a completely different perspective on time and memory.

So, how can we make any sense of that? After all, we have our memories of the past that lay behind us with all its stories… happy ones and dramatic ones. And don’t we love retelling our stories, both to others and to ourselves. It sometimes seems that we are all playing a game of “my past is better than your past” though “better” is the “best” story, the most dramatic, or the most traumatic, and the most fantastic.

We might even bring in remembrances of past lives and stack those up for comparison… my past life was way more outstanding, or traumatic, or important than yours… Sigh…

Someone, the other day was sharing a story of their past, and as we are wont to do, I followed up with one of my own recollections. His comment was, “Oh, your story is much better than mine” which rather jarred me.

It made me realize that we even see our past as a sort of competition… who’s got the most outlandish story, the most gruesome, the most happy… whatever is our chosen vibe of the day.

And I also realized that we sometimes seem to revel in our traumatic or “poor me” histories or her-stories. Why else would we love to tell them over and over again to whoever will listen… and even sometimes to those who don’t really want to hear them.

Yet, if our “past” is not really in the past but is all happening right now, and if our mind and subconscious can’t tell the difference between the past and the present, then we are simply recreating that same usually negative energy when we recount the old “poor me” stories.

But more importantly, we are not stuck with the past in the same format that we currently remember. We can rewrite the story of our past to be one where we were not abused, but loved; to one where we were not neglected, but embraced with joy and love; to one where we were not told to dim our light or to be quiet; to one where we shine radiantly in all our individuality and glory.

Change Your Story, Change Your Energy

By changing how we interpret our past, we change its impact on our present. Changing the retelling of our story, whether to ourselves or to others, changes the energy of the memory within us. We can recreate the memory from a “bad” one to a happy one, or at least a better one. Sometimes it just takes a change of perspective.

For example, I used to think I had a horrible childhood because I was sent away to boarding school before I even turned 5. Yet I now realize that this was a blessing in disguise. It helped me be independent, and not be attached to home and family as so many are. It gave me the freedom of independent thought. So looking at my childhood differently, I am able to change how I feel about it. It isn’t “abandoned me” anymore, but “lucky me”. The change of how I remember it makes a huge difference.

But here’s the catch… we may not want to change our memory or perspective! Why? Because telling our “stories of woe” gains us attention, notoriety, and individuality. We stand out in the crowd with our “sob stories”. It’s no longer, my daddy is bigger and stronger than yours, or smarter than yours, it’s my past is more traumatic than yours, or my past is more "dark" than yours.

Holding on to those stories also holds us in their energy… whether that is rejection, betrayal, abuse, or other unloving energies.

So Let's Rewrite the Story

Let’s get back to Einstein and the other wise beings’ definition of time: It is fluid, it is all in the now. If that’s the case, then we CAN change our past, since it’s not really past… we just think it is. We can change it through “re-visioning” or re-imagining our past right here and now.

Rather than retell our stories of woe, either to ourselves or to others, let’s change our script. Literally. Let’s drop the old “sob stories” and “horror movies” of our past. Let’s pick another movie to watch and to act in, another script to retell. 

The problem with our focusing on the negativity in our past, as well as in our present, is that we are feeding it… we are giving it attention and energy, and thus allowing it to gain strength in our life. Just as children will increase their negative behavior if it gives them the attention they crave, so will we increase our dark stories (past or present) if they give us the attention we crave.

Yet, the attention we gain from negative stories or what we might call “war stories” – the stories of abuse, incest, abandonment, etc. – is not energy that feeds our soul, that feeds our heart, that feeds our joy. It is dark energy,  victim energy, that tries to fill a void in our being. And rather than filling the void, it makes the void bigger and deeper and darker.

The only thing that will fill that void is Love… both past and present. And while most of us try to fill that void with love from others, if we don’t fill it with self-love first, the love and concern of others will just pour right on out of our being through all the holes created by our own lack of self-love.

What’s the Catch?

The catch in all this is that we may find that we don’t want to “rewrite” or reinvent our past. Why? Because our traumatic past, or our fantastically different past, makes us special, makes us stand out. It makes us feel special and unique.

But we can also be unique and special with wonderful stories, not just horror ones. We can try to outdo our own past "sob stories" with past stories of joy, love, appreciation, and wonder-full experiences. We can rewrite our script in a way that would bring us joy, love, unconditional love and support from within.

How do we rewrite them? We can start focusing on and remembering good memories. Even in the most traumatic childhood there were good moments… whether with friends, neighbors, teachers, siblings, parents, or even the family dog.

Even the most gloomy childhood had its wonderful moments. So start focusing on those and retelling yourself those stories instead of stirring up the dregs of nastiness that was also in your experience. What you focus on expands, so focusing on the “good stuff”, the happy memories, will empower those and let more of them come to the forefront.

Daydreaming is also a good way to rewrite your script. Just re-imagine stories… make up stories… rewrite the script. We can also do it through nighttime dreams, though for most of us that is more difficult as we have not mastered the art of lucid dreaming… the art of directing the way our dreams develop. So for most of us, it’s easier to do so in daydreaming, or simply making stuff up in our mind.

Fake It Till You Make It

At first, it will seem strange. You’ll be well aware that you’re “lying to yourself”, that you’re telling yourself stories that contradict what you remember happened, or diminish the “importance” of the traumatic experiences. However, we’re not erasing the past but choosing to focus on its lessons, growth, and hidden blessings rather than its pain. And we're choosing to remember the good parts, rather than just the hurtful parts.

And eventually the old stories will no longer hold sway on your emotions and your memories. The old “sad” stories will be replaced with stories that have happy events, happy experiences, happy endings. If time is all in the now, and if our mind can’t tell the difference between “real” memories and made-up ones, then we get to choose what movie we want to keep replaying in our mind.

Your Memories Aren’t Real Anyway

I’ve been struck lately with how people can remember the same event differently… very differently. As if it is two different events with two different time-lines. One person remembers it one way, the other remembers the same event in a very different way.

Which is right? They both are, since the only place they even really exist is in their memory or their story of it. So what they remember, whether “true” or not, is real for them thus true for them.

So change your story, change what you choose to remember, change how you see your past. Rewrite the story that you’ve been telling yourself and others for years. Rewrite it to one that brings you Love, Joy, Acceptance, and Pleasure.

And this is the hard part… Are you willing to let go of your “poor me” stories, or your “my past is worse than your past”, to replace those stories with happy memories, loving ones, supportive ones. And maybe, just maybe, if we start focusing on happy stories, on joyful tales, we can elicit the same out of others. Instead of our “one-up-man-ship” having to do with stories of trauma, we can recount stories of exuberance and outstanding achievement and joy.

Try It, You Might Like It!

Try this for one week: Each time an old, painful memory arises, recreate it with a perspective of strength and love. Rewrite your story to one where you were loved, accepted, wanted and appreciated. Observe how it changes your emotions and outlook.

Let the other story disappear into the darkness where it was created, and choose to write your script in the light of “dreams being made true” whether in your past, present, or future.

About The Author

Marie T. Russell is the founder of InnerSelf Magazine (founded 1985). She also produced and hosted a weekly South Florida radio broadcast, Inner Power, from 1992-1995 which focused on themes such as self-esteem, personal growth, and well-being. Her articles focus on transformation and reconnecting with our own inner source of joy and creativity.

Creative Commons 3.0: This article is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 4.0 License. Attribute the author: Marie T. Russell, InnerSelf.com. Link back to the article: This article originally appeared on InnerSelf.com

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Article Recap:

Your past is not set in stone. While you can't change events, you can change how you perceive them. By reshaping your narrative, you free yourself from old wounds, reclaim personal power, and invite self-love into your life. The key to transformation lies in shifting focus from pain to strength, rewriting your personal story, and embracing joy.

#RewriteYourPast #ChangeYourStory #HealingJourney #TransformYourMind #SelfLove #PersonalGrowth #TraumaRecovery #MindsetShift #SubconsciousHealing #EinsteinTime #ReframeYourMemories